Hey MH fam,
Is this gonna be a thing? MH fam? Well why not? It sounds kinda cool. Marshmallow Heart fam! Wooo!
Anyways, let's get to the point. I met up with my business family again yesterday. It was awesome, as usual. Learned soooooooooo much. Our mentor wanted to beef up a bunch of stuff he taught us after coming back from his thing in Los Angeles. Btw I wont be revealing who my mentor is anytime soon. I avoided the topic before cuz well... he's pretty out there. Like super high up there but he's humble as hell so I think thats really cool. I just want the content here to be about me and not make it sound as if I'm leeching off from his popularity. This space is for me. Muahaha
So I'm battling with a bunch of internal stuff now after pondering about what he said. My first take-away from his sharing was losing friends. He said: "Nak berjaya kena sedia hilang kawan." My heart dropped when he said that. Cuz my friends...
I'm talking about friends I've known since I was 7, 13, 15, 18. They are the people I grew up with. Even as it is right now, their thinking doesn't exactly align with mine. Their environment is all about university, dating, having fun, bila next cuti, marriage, skincare problems, losing weight problems, makeup, clubbing, assignments, exams, the next hot Korean drama.
Whereas me... I'll be honest. I have half my heart in dropping out of uni. I want to be something so much more. University gives me a shit ton of anxiety. And God, the thought of going back in there is... I'd rather be a betta fish farmer. My mentor himself doesnt even go to uni. He failed his SPM, he learned to speak English at 42 and he still made it. But my friends who are in uni.... Am I never gonna see them again? Right now, I'm the youngest in my group. I dont hang out with people my age anymore. I'm hanging out with people older than me. My entire social circle is slowly changing because I keep telling myself than I gotta surround myself with people who are more successful than me.
If I want to go higher, I can't take everyone with me. I get it. But... I love them. At the same time I want to be successful as much as I want to breathe. Not everyone has childhood friends, people who are your "we go way back" circle.
But what am I supposed to do? My sister is out of the family now. So I'm the eldest. I keep thinking what if something happens to my parents... I cant do shit if I was still in uni. I need to build myself financially. I need to do SOMETHING. EVERYDAY I CAN FEEL MYSELF SCREAMING. I'm restless. My dad is 51. I want him to retire NOW. I want to cover for all of my younger siblings' education. I want to give my parents the world. I want them to rest. I want to be the one to put food on the table. I want to protect my family.
Its just... God, I need to accelerate. I can see it already and I'm excited for the future. Wow. Its good that I'm writing all this down. Puts things into perspective. Of course, I'd choose family over friends. If it came to that... or when... it comes to that.
Thing is I'm grateful that I know exactly what I want in life. So many people are trying to dictate what I can or cannot do. Like Nenek is always asking me to graduate and I did promised her that I will. Back when I didnt know what I was doing with my life. Of course that was the only thing I had going for me. But now, holy crap things really changed. I sound like my sister now. The infamous college dropout amongst our family of lawyers, doctors, architects, engineers and biologists. Well, maybe a more rougher version of her. Imagine all of this but in the voice of Bubbles from Power Puff Girls minus the cursing. Thats my older sister, if you guys wanna know.
Second take-away from his sharing was... Jeez I dont know where to start. So many things to talk about. The world has so much knowledge!!! GAH. I wanna learn everything, meet everyone, read all the great books out there, go everywhere. Gosh so much to do. I'll post when I remember the points okay.
Oh yeah, guess what guys?!
I'm seriously gonna quit KPOP. Yeah, thats right. I'm out. I'm DONE. I mean listening to Pied Piper by BTS moved me a bit. But I think I'm ready now. Thank you, BTS. You're right, I should stop all this and chase my dreams. BTS is probably the only KPOP group that wrote a song to advice their fans to not watch their videos a million times over and go focus on studying and school. Amazing. They're one of my biggest inspirations. I truly respect people who are true masters in their industry. You see their passion with everything they do, every song they produced, every performance they put out. And I really learned so mych from them. Successful people really just focus on showing up every single time.
So yeah, no more KPOP. I'm still going to continue my Korean with TTMIK and if I earned enough money by middle of the year, I really want to visit my friends in Korea. I'm making that a motivation for me to keep track on my Korean. Please pray for me!
Oh yeah, progress on my Chinese. I'm going to sit for HSK Level 4!!! I'm taking classes now and its so much fun. Its funny how fun learning Chinese is now when I'm no longer in a Chinese school. Hahaha the struggle in that place is real. I'm now learning out of my own freewill. And its so damn easy!!! Why didn't I see this back when I was in school??? I would've been acing all my Chinese exams. RIP my PMR and SPM. Chinese is really easy you guys. Please give it a try. Haha
Okay what else....
Life is just great actually. I've learned so much more in this gap year than I did for the past 3 years of tertiary education. I'm feeling really good about where I am. And I want to progress higher and higher.
Oh one last thing, I got a pet fish! I got him because I wanted to give myself a responsibility of taking care of a live being. Plus he was suffering in that evil petshop in Keramat Permai. I had to save him. So far he's doing well. I think he has a bit of fin rot but I'm giving him the meds for it. InsyaAllah, he'll heal soon. When I have enough money, I want to buy him a bigger tank. Throw in some caves in there cuz he loves to swim so much. Lol
Okay so that is my latest update for now. I'm chasing a new milestone so I cant stay very long. Thanks for reading. This blog is where I document my journey to success. That sounds so cheesy. But yeah. N'importe quoi.
Take care, guys. Bye!!